The New Jersey Generals would like to thank all of you for coming to this press conference. This off season has been one of the most productive sessions in recent memory. With much research and time invested in these players, we can say with certainty they we have assembled the most talented group of players in the league. With out further adieu, I would like to introduce the newest members of the New Jersey Generals; FB) Mork Baller, This man once pancaked the entire Giants team on one play. HB) Rock Christopher, Last season he ran for over 3800 yards and 41 TDs.C) Hike Hikerson, gets himself in shape by wrestling Gorillas in the offseason. G) HOWStheWEATHER downTHERE? The man eats 40 Hamburgers before each game. Guys stay clear of him on the bench.G) Pyotr Alexeyevich Romanov, When he gets dehidrated, he hooks himself up to a bottle of Vodka.WR) Art Monk, The fastest man on earth. Runs around our solar system when he wants to go for a long run. DT) Hulk Colossus, is so strong that when N.A.S.A has problems putting things in orbit, they call him and he throws them into space.DT) Lo Meng, Sumo wrestling champ and all pro DT. Centers call him the wrecking ball. Just stay out of his way. LB) JT Frost, Once tackled a train at full speed while reading a book in his right hand and eating a cheeseburger in his left.LB) Harald "Hastings" Field, The hitman. Takes out everyone, even the waterboy.LB) Chad Green is the Way, Don Juan. Everywhere he goes he leaves a trail of women so he can find his way back home. CB) Lee Grossman, The Joker. Once glued the coaches ass to the toilet seat. He is still running laps and it happened 2 months ago.CB) Faulker "All Night" Wilde, Stickem. His hands are like velcro. The Ball doesn't even have to be near him and it finds it's way in his hands.CB) Robert Moshier, Signed during the season. INT the ball 28 times and put 4 people into the hospital. That was just one game!FS) Jaline Ye, The Blanket. Nobody throws to his side of the field. Only one person tried doing that and they never heard from him again.
